Previous English captain Lewis Moody has revealed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet face the full ramifications of the muscle-degenerating condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old athlete, who was part of the World Cup champion 2003 side and secured several English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast 14 days after finding out he has the disease.
"There's an element of facing the future and being reluctant to fully comprehend that at the minute," he said.
"This doesn't mean I am unaware of where it's progressing. We understand that. But there is certainly a unwillingness to confront the future for now."
Moody, speaking with his wife Annie, explains instead he feels "at ease" as he directs his attention to his immediate wellbeing, his family and getting ready for when the condition deteriorates.
"Possibly that's trauma or possibly I handle situations uniquely, and after I have the details, it's simpler," he stated further.
First Indications
Moody found out he had MND after observing some lack of strength in his shoulder while exercising in the gym.
After rehabilitation was ineffective for the condition, a series of scans indicated nerves in his central nervous system had been damaged by MND.
"You're presented with this medical finding of MND and we're appropriately extremely affected about it, but it's so strange because I feel like I'm perfectly healthy," he added.
"I don't experience sick. I don't experience unwell
"My symptoms are very minor. I have some muscle wasting in the fingers and the shoulder.
"I continue to be able to performing whatever I want. And optimistically that will persist for as long as is attainable."
Condition Advancement
MND can advance rapidly.
Based on the charity MND Association, the disease kills a one-third of people within a twelve months and more than half within 730 days of identification, as eating and breathing become harder.
Treatment can only retard decline.
"It isn't ever me that I am upset for," stated an emotional Moody.
"There's sadness around having to tell my mum - as an single child - and the consequences that has for her."
Household Effect
Speaking from the family home with his wife and their canine companion by his side, Moody was consumed with emotion when he mentioned telling his sons - teenage Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the heartbreaking news, stating: "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"They are two brilliant boys and that was pretty heartbreaking," Moody said.
"We were seated on the sofa in tears, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog bounded over and began licking the drops off our faces, which was quite funny."
Moody said the emphasis was remaining in the moment.
"We have no cure and that is why you have to be so militantly focused on just accepting and savoring each moment now," he commented.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been very blessed that the only real choice I made when I concluded playing was to devote as much time with the kids as feasible. We don't get those times back."
Sportsman Link
Top-level competitors are unevenly affected by MND, with studies proposing the prevalence of the disease is up to 600% higher than in the wider community.
It is considered that by restricting the oxygen available and creating injury to nerve cells, regular, vigorous exercise can initiate the illness in those previously vulnerable.
Rugby Professional Life
Moody, who earned 71 England appearances and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in recognition of his courageous, relentless method to the game.
He participated through a stress fracture of his leg for a time with Leicester and once caused a practice scuffle with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he abandoned a training equipment and began throwing himself into collisions.
After coming on as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup final win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the end of the throw-in in the critical passage of play, creating a platform for scrum-half Matt Dawson to attack and Jonny Wilkinson to score the game-deciding field goal.
Support Community
Moody has previously informed Johnson, who skippered England to that victory, and a couple of other ex- players about his diagnosis, but the remaining individuals will be discovering his news with the remainder of public.
"There will be a moment when we'll need to rely on their support but, at the moment, just having that kind of love and acknowledgment that people are present is the crucial thing," he stated.
"Rugby is such a wonderful family.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even if it ended now, I've appreciated all of it and embraced all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"Being able to consider your passion your vocation, it's one of the most significant privileges.
"Having accomplished it for so considerable a period with the squads that I did it with was a pleasure. And I know they will desire to help in every way they can and I anticipate having those discussions."
